 In
the busy whirl of our lives we are expected to
take care of so much--kids, home, pets, job, health,
appearance, finances--that we might lose touch
with our life partner. He/She is big enough
to take care of him/herself, we think, relieved
that there is one less area that requires our
energy.
The truth is, giving to your
partner doesn't have to be another detail to add
to your long list of
"to do's" but has the potential to nourish
you as well as deepen the relationship.
Begin fostering a more loving
partnership by identifying small actions you might
take, for instance:
1. Set up time to articulate
your shared goals and dreams. Don't call
these meetings "dates" because when
life gets busy, it's much easier to erase a "date"
from the calendar than to reschedule a meeting.
2. Remember that you are in this
partnership for the long haul. There probably
isn't as much time or energy to nurture the relationship
as you'd like during these years when your children
are young, but your time will come.
3. Communicate honestly, directly,
and often--even if it has to be through emails,
notes, or phone messages.
4. Banish television--no kidding.
Many couples tell me that once they got out of
the passive
evening television rut, they were able to focus
on their partners. Finally the kids are in bed,
you're exhausted and it's easier to zone out in
front of some droll programming then relate to
the person sitting next to you. Your marriage
will blossom when you scale back the distractions
and use the quiet moments you have to be together.
5. If you share a hobby or interest,
you're blessed. If you don't, find one.
Then, schedule time to enjoy this interest together.
A friend of my daughter's says she knows there's
trouble between her parents when they don't play
much golf.
6. Call up the feelings you had
when you first met your spouse. Your initial feelings
of euphoria over this exciting new person in your
life can be recalled during the monotony of the
laundry and the mortgage payments. Just
remember that feeling when you need a zap of "partner
inspiration."
7. Learn the fine art of tolerance.
My husband is a master at this. He rarely,
if ever, criticizes me--and believe me there is
much to criticize. If you must criticize, do it
lovingly.
8. No family is perfect and every
family deals with difficulties. Perhaps
you have a blended family, in-laws living with
you, suffocating debt, illness, or job loss.
It's through these tough times that you can grow
stronger as a duo. Be careful where you
lay blame and practice being kind rather than
being right.
9. Many readers over the years
have written to say that they've used the principles
in "10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
with their husband or wife turning it into "10
Principles for Spiritual Spousing."
You might be inspired to go through the book with
an eye for how you to make magic out of the ordinary
with your partner, truly listen, and make each
day a new beginning.
10. Appreciate and acknowledge
each other in front of the kids--"Didn't
Daddy make a great breakfast this morning?"
“Did you see Mom skate
a perfect figure 8?” “Thanks for coming
home early tonight so we could all eat dinner
together,I know it was a big effort.” |
