"If we had a keen vision of all that is ordinary
in human life, it would be like hearing the grass
grow or the squirrel's heart beat, and we should
die of that roar which is the otherside of silence."
-- George Eliot
We live in a bright, fancy, fast moving culture
that glorifies success, measures intelligence,
and embraces the extraverts. We begin early to
mold our children to rise to the top ad meet
these requirements. In the race, however, we might
lose sight of the uniqueness of the kids we work
so hard to shape when that uniqueness is the roar
of George Eliot’s poem—the very essence of who
they are meant to become.
It is easy as parents to use our kids as “ego
extenders.” We feel a wonderful sense of
achievement when our child scores the winning
goal in the soccer game, or is asked to be a part
of the “gifted” program at school.
While it’s natural to be proud of your child,
when your primary source of esteem is coming from
your kids, there’s a problem. Having precocious
and high-achieving sons and daughters seems to
have become the status symbol of our generation.
Yet, what happens to our kids under this kind of
microscopic pressure to perform? The worst case
scenario might best be typified by Jessica Dubroll,
the bright 7-year-old who lost her life while
attempting to fly solo across the country.
Was this quest her dream or her parent’s?
Recently, the Oprah Winfrey Show featured young
children doing amazing things. The promo read, “Real life geniuses—and they're not even old
enough to vote. Get ready to be wowed!”
I’m all for showing kids role models and providing
inspirational stories to help them set goals and
articulate dreams. I’m also a big advocate of
validating children’s efforts publicly; however
I worry when parents begin to long for their own
“real life genius” and dismiss their child’s
unique spirit.
Not many kids can play the piano at age 3 or
start a multi million dollar corporation at 12.
Parents watching these kinds of shows, or reading
articles such as the one recently in the September
issue of Rosie, “America’s Most mazing Kids,”
see children who are truly remarkable. They can’t
help but scan their own brood looking for that
glimmer of a talent that might be honed and brandished
for the world to see. Their ordinary Tom or
typical Tina shrivel in the light of the
ten-year-old table tennis champ or seven year old
protégée playing concerts to raise money for
orphans around the world.
We love our kids and yet somehow have defined
our love by molding them into successful little
mini adults rather than supporting their hopes,
dreams, and wishes without pressure to perform
perfectly and make national headlines.
I recently heard a radio interview with the father
of a young girl heading to the Olympics to compete
in gymnastics. The father told his tale of “deciding” on a sport for his daughter soon
after she was born. He determined gymnastics
would be her sport as she measured short on the
national average for infant length. There was
no talk of how his daughter climbed onto the
kitchen counters, loved the balance beam in gym
class, or naturally tumbled to music. Instead,
it was his dream seemingly imposed on a willing
daughter. My heart broke.
No one knows better than their parents what a
child’s weaknesses and strengths are. We can“coach” our kids in a loving supportive way and
offer them opportunities. Childhood is a great
buffet, full of choices to sample so we can
determine where our appetites lie rather than a
predestined dish of the day. Kids are supposed
to make mistakes, fall, and figure out a way to
get back up and try a different approach—it forms
their character and opens the way for creative
ideas to surface-their ideas not ours.
Yup, there are a lot of amazing kids in the world.
They are full of light, have an open connection
to spirit, have hopes and dreams waiting to be
incubated by the love and support of family,
and bright eyes watching everything their parents
say and do. There are kids who receive “C’s” on
their report cards and spill their milk. There
are kids who pray that a cure will be developed
for AIDS and kids who suffer with the disease.
There are kids who edit the school newspaper,
run a 6 minute mile, and invent a new kind of
clock radio. There are kids who snuggle with
their cat in the quiet of their cozy bedrooms
and collect inspirational quotes.
Accept the child with whom you are journeying
through life. Love them for who they are not for
what they achieve. Be proud of their accomplishment,
support their dreams, but play a game of Crazy 8’s
and hug them even when they roll their eyes and
pretend to hate it. Hide your disappointment
when they don’t make Honor Roll or get cut from
the Varsity Team tryouts.
Trust that they have a grand destiny that wraps
them in the love of others and pray that theirs
is a life filled with joy.
Greet your child in the morning with the beautiful
saying, “Namaste” meaning I honor the God in you.
It will remind you to look for your child’s sacred,
Divine spark rather than only validating the
achievements he or she makes.
Namaste,
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