"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves,
and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever
explaining things to them."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "The Little Prince"
Topic of the Week
Loosen The Grip
There is a delicate balance between guiding our
children -- acting as a kind of loving earthly
coach and taking on the responsibility of making
them into the people we think they should become.
Martha, mother of three, says: "I felt an enormous
pressure from my parents to perform -- to achieve
--to fit in. I wasn't able to follow my heart
because I didn't even know what I wanted.
I vow not to do that to my kids but don't know
how to remain objective."
Martha, like many of us, experiences conflict
over the notion that kids are already who they
are yet, as parents, we should mold and shape
them. Children can feel the pressure of this
attention -- it becomes a burden that often
turns into anger as they grow up.
Kids want to be seen as their divine unique selves.
It is our challenge to help them know themselves
rather than knowing only what we want them to learn.
Accomplishments are fantastic, but let's make
sure our kids are accomplishing their quest for
greater self-awareness along with honor role
status and a place on the ski team.
Some ideas to help you trust and loosen the grip
of controlling your child's destiny:
*Love without limits - the greatest tool you can
give your child for self-discovery is your
unconditional love. When he feels loved he is
safe to explore his identity. It's especially
important to ramp up the love quota during
adolescence when the first stirrings of attitude
make themselves known. This is when your child
begins to pull away and dive deeper into his own
identity. Our feelings can be hurt which makes
it tough to be loving at a time when our child
needs it the most. Author Brian Weiss, M.D. says "Love is an absolute, unconditional, and timeless
state that asks for nothing in return."
*Communicate with an open heart - there is listening
with an ear to what you want to hear and there is
listening without judgment. Kids won't keep talking
when what they say is screened through what we
want to hear. It's also critical that we express
our own ideas to our kids. It's a two-way street.
*Remain open to ways your child might define
herself apart from her relationship with you or
with our culture. When you see a glimpse, point
it out in a subtle way so she is validated for her
uniqueness. Support her dreams and desires even
if they aren't the same as yours.
*Trust that your child is guided by a loving all
knowing presence and that he was put here on earth
for a reason. Think of yourself as part of his
support team rather than his only lifeline.
*Provide open-ended free time, apart from
technology, so your child might cultivate her
relationship with peaceful serenity and hear
her inner guidance.
~*~ In the News ~*~
*Want to let other parents know about your
Spiritual Parenting Group? Send us your info: Mimi@SpiritualParenting.com and we will
list details here. There are many groups of
parents forming across the country to support
each other, focus on a principle per month,
hire guest speakers, and have a good time.
*Visit my column, The Spiritual Parent,
on www.BeliefNet.com (click on parenting). Make
sure to write your comments next to the article
in the dialogue board.
*Mark your calendars now for my upcoming 10
week radio series on Talk America-Wednesday
evenings 6-7 EST beginning February 7, 2001.
TALK AMERICA
The Tony Trupiano Show
6-7 pm EST - Wednesday
Tony's show reaches approximately
80 stations around the USA.
LISTEN LIVE ON THE INTERNET
www.talkamerica.com
Click on Talk Network 2
Then call in and share your thoughts.
I'd love to hear from you on air.
888-822-8255
There is time......it is possible.....
You can add more spirit to your family life.
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