ACHIEVING BALANCE AND STABILITY DURING TIMES OF CHANGE

Welcome to the Spiritual Parenting Community!

This newsletter is my gift to you in the hopes of creating a worldwide chain of people who are committed to empowering children and teens by honoring and nourishing their vast inner lives.

This month's newsletter is all about living with joy during times of change - having clear values can be the anchor that guides us and our children during these times. As our children move into their teen years the changes in family dynamics might feel different. And finally, you may notice that when you shift your parenting style to embrace a more spiritual approach, family and friends might question you.

Use the Weekly Tips in each month's newsletter to create your own changes. Cut and paste them into your weekly calendar as reminders. Let us know how these small actions reverberate in big ways.

If you are part of a Spiritual Parenting Group you can support one another through the changes, changing negatives into positives and increasing your sense of joy and well-being.

Remember that there is always enough time... anything is possible... and you can add more spirit to your family life right now... regardless of what outside circumstances might be unfolding.

Blessings and light from my heart to all of yours.

Mimi

p.s. Thank you for the thousands of responses about blogs. I've heard you loud and clear and will not be blogging anytime soon! Keep sharing your thoughts.

WEEKLY TIPS

JULY 10-16:

Speaking prayerful words before we eat, even if it's an impromptu picnic, can unite our spirits and provide a habit of reverence that our children carry with them into their lives. If you don't already have a family favorite, write one. Here's a prayer simple enough for even the youngest child, try it this week:

For my brain that helps me think

For my teeth that help me eat

For the grace that keeps me safe

I give thanks.

Amen

JULY 17-23:

When my daughter Elizabeth, nine years old at the time, asked if her pal Emily could stay for dinner one night, I replied, "Sure, but we'll probably have scrambled eggs because I haven't even thought about dinner." Their faces lit up, and off they skipped to finish their game, flush with excitement over being together well into the celebration of mealtime. The girls helped me to realize it's not so much what we eat that matters, but the people and attitudes we eat with that give mealtime significance. Take a moment this week to look at your family's relationship with food. Do you find yourself criticizing posture, manners, or inadequate vegetable intake during meals? Are sweets used as a reward? Do kids have a say in the menu? Your mealtime mood, joyful and celebratory or dark and critical, shapes your children's lifelong liaison with food.

JULY 24-30:

Our own spiritual searching can get in the way of establishing a spiritual connection with our kids. Because we aren't clear about our own beliefs, we are reluctant to begin a dialogue with our children. Don't wait! Take your child's hand and being a spiritual journey. Explore together rather than avoiding this essential aspect of your child's being.

JULY 31 - AUGUST 6:

You can't go wrong when you love deeply. Never assume that your family knows how much you love them. Show them often. Brainstorm at least five different ways to show your family how much you love them... the sillier the better... and try one of them this week.

"Mountains cannot be surmounted except by winding paths."
-- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

TOOLS FOR HANDLING THE CHALLENGES OF CHANGE

Are you in the midst of a transition of some kind? You're not alone. Go into any group and ask those who are experiencing a change in their lives to raise their hands. I guarantee you that at least 60 percent of the room will have their hands in the air.

Choosing change, however, is different from experiencing change you feel has been forced upon you - a spouse leaving, a job ending, an ill child. Active change brings you into the possibilities you've dreamed of. Reacting to change thrust upon you becomes a more intricate balancing act.

Try some of these ideas to help you stay calm and centered as you face challenges and changes in your life:

"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are."
--Roy Disney

HOW TO CONVEY YOUR VALUE SYSTEM TO YOUR CHILDREN

We pass down from generation to generation a moral and ethical code of sorts that guides our children, gives them a sense of belonging, and provides them with a framework for life. What did your parents give you? Are you living by that code now or have you modified it? Do you follow society's moral code or your own inner sense of right and wrong? Society's code might say it is okay to fudge a little come tax time, flame someone on the Internet, or boo the opposing team. Our cultural mantra seems to be "Look out for Number One," and we admire celebrities and athletes who have parlayed grossness and outrage into lucrative careers. How does today's promoted value system fit with your personal moral framework?

Because we are all stressed for time, it becomes easy to drop the inconvenient courtesies, lose patience with the clerk who chats with the customer ahead of us in line, berate the waiter who made a mistake on our order, or ignore the car trying to merge into our lane. However, it's easier "to do what's right" when we remember that our children are absorbing our actions as the moral code by which to live.

It is a good idea to let your kids know that you frequently have difficulty making positive choices. "I would really love to go to the neighbor's party next week, but I already committed to being part of the fund raiser at school." How do you deal with routine choices? Share your strategies with your children; they are confronted early in their lives with the need to make choices and decisions.

When your child faces a difficult challenge, suggest she draw or paint the two roads she could take, illustrating the picture with the situations or opportunities she finds on each road. Make it fun, not a task. Even young children like to do this with help from an adult. An older child can make a pros-and-cons list for decision-making.

Applaud your child when she has the courage to make a choice that honors her personal values or intuitive guidance. Acting on her inner strength isn't easy when the choice goes against "what everyone else is doing." Your example and support are vital.

Another way to help your child make choices is to have him visualize a time in the future - a month, a year, five years, ten years from now - after he has made a particular choice. How does he feel about himself and his decision from that perspective? Now have him visualize how he might feel with a different choice. Is he proud of himself as he looks back at his decision? You can adapt this for the age of your child. It's effective for adults as well. If we act in a way outside our personal beliefs we're usually uncomfortable: our spirit is unsettled. The exciting thing is that when we choose an action that is consistent with our value system our spirit is at peace.

When your child slips up and makes a bad choice gently bring him to task for the error. I see so many parents who hedge and cover up so their kids won't appear to have made a mistake. Their son gets caught cheating in school and they declare, "He didn't do it" then hire a lawyer to clear his name. What message does this give the kid? Children make mistakes and their conscience is formed by experiencing the consequences of those mistakes. It will feel so uncomfortable that they won't want to do it again. When parents jump in, their children never get to experience the real results of their choices.

WHEN YOUR TEEN PUSHES

At a certain age children may question or push against spirit, as we've defined it, and begin their own journey toward knowing God. It can come as a jolt when our kids challenge the spiritual ideas we've made such an effort to model, encourage, and experience together.

We want to give our kids the gift of faith along with dental checkups and good manners. It doesn't always work that way. What we can provide is a spiritual base, a grounding center, a place to begin their journey - remembering that it is their journey. "I don't believe in God" from your 13-year-old can punch a panic button you didn't realize you had.

Listen to your child's worries, challenges, and hopes. Be sensitive to his temperament and changes, and respectful of his need to be heard - even when he delivers this message in a defiant way. He may be focused on the scientific and quantifiable - many kids want proof, especially during adolescence. After listening, if appropriate, you can respond to your child by saying, "You're right, it's hard to believe in God as an old man with a long, white beards. That's not the God I sense either. I feel an energy, a positive force, that I believe is within all of us. We're all connected by this force of good - of God. Is that something that feels right to you?" Listen, and listen some more.

We address the same doubt from our five-year-old in a loving way. But when our teen questions us in a defensive tone, we panic or feel attacked. We worry that this child will somehow disconnect from all that we have worked so lovingly to keep intact within her. This is when we can shift to a loving heart, and acknowledge her questions with acceptance, realizing that she is branching out on her own, perhaps deeper, relationship with spirit.

Provide time and support for your child's spiritual exploration. Find a meditation class for kids, begin attending church services more regularly, seek out books with spiritual themes, look for a teen group that is involved in community service, create a DO NOT DISTURB sign for your child's door to signal he is in the midst of private time, practice yoga together, or simply include more conversations about spirituality in your daily routine.

"Everyone we meet in life is on a mission to teach us something new. Surprise!"
--Joan Chittister

Q&A With Mimi: WHEN OTHERS DON'T SUPPORT YOUR SPIRITUAL PARENTING

Dear Mimi:

How do I deal with relatives who feel differently than I do about child rearing and others who have an influence on my kids?

-- Mother of three

Dear Mimi:

It's tough to be a spiritual parent when my partner thinks the only way to relate to our boys is through dumb jokes and Nintendo.

-- Mother of two

Dear Moms:

You aren't able to control how your spouse, partner, or relatives live their lives or what they mirror to your children. One mother told me, "When I light a candle in the morning and ask my kids to join hands for a moment of silence my husband just rolls his eyes." But you can boldly live your own spiritual truths and talk to your kids about the different approaches to life they observe. You are a mirror for your children and show them how spirituality and daily life merge. Mirror it authentically without dimming your light for fear of ridicule. Make an effort to communicate with your partner, discuss ways to merge your beliefs and begin fostering a shared sense of spirituality with your kids.

Here are some more suggestions to help you model your beliefs to your children: