 Today's
teens face overwhelming issues--peer pressure,
widespread instances of substance abuse, concerns
about sexuality, the academic stress of high school,
the risks and freedom of drivToday's teens face
overwhelming issues--peer pressure, widespread
instances of substance abuse, concerns about sexuality,
the academic stress of high school, the risks
and freedom of driving, the worry about getting
into a good college. It's no wonder that these
years often become filled with poor decision making,
and such a beleaguered battleground between parents
and teens.
The 10 guiding principles below are from my book,
“Nurturing Your Teenager’s Soul”
and enable teens to develop an internal framework
and moral compass to stay centered during these
turbulent years.
Principle 1: Realize You Are Part of Something
Bigger
A connection with spirituality sustains teenagers
throughout their inherently rocky transition into
adulthood. A spirited life is much more than just
decisions about faith. Kids want and need to define
their own sense of spirituality. Parents can join
their teens in this exploration
process, as their children quest for an understanding
of the universe and an individual sense of spirituality.
Principle 2: Understand that all Life
is Connected and has Meaning
Adolescents need opportunities to recognize that
they are not alone--no matter how different from
their peers they may feel. Teens hunger to be
a part of something. Their need for acceptance
runs deep. Support your teens in developing a
deeper connection with the natural world, as nature
unconditionally accepts them. Plus, social activism
and reaching out to others in need gives teens
the same assurance that they are connected and
can make a difference.
Principle 3: Words Can Profoundly Change
Lives
Tell your teenagers how they delight you, how
much you respect their choices, your amazement
at their abilities, or your appreciation of the
way they solved a problem. We need to remember
that teens typically struggle with a low self-image,
at the same time that their need for love and
acceptance is at an all time high. Now is the
time to flood them with positive words. Loving
words from a parent fuels a child, no matter their
age. Your positive, authentic words can be the
grace that salves their fragile egos.
Principle 4: Listen Fully -- Acknowledge
Deeply
In a 2004 survey by Spiritualparenting.com, teens
were asked: "What do you wish your parents
did differently?" The overwhelming response
was unexpected. They didn't want more freedom,
a later curfew, or another gadget. Instead, teens
wished their parents actually listened to them
more often. A typical response was: "I would
love it if my mom was around more often to hear
what was going on in my life. We rarely catch
up." Teens
simply want to be heard and respected.
Principle 5: Supported Dreams Manifest
Miracles
By helping teens nurture their internal vision
of who they are, we may be able to spare them
years spent pursuing goals far astray from their
personal dreams. We can help them find an authentic
sense of purpose in the world: something that
comes from connecting the deep currents in their
hearts with the abilities of their hands and minds.
When parents help kids identify what brings meaning
to their daily activities, it's the answer to
the fundamental
spiritual question: "Why am I here?"
Principle 6: Awaken Wonder and Spirit
Flows
Teens crave magic: that moment when time stands
still and we're drawn outside our usual busy selves
to find something rich and peaceful. Experiences
and perceptions that go beyond the ordinary soothe
a soulful yearning. But in the teen years, wide-eyed
wonder isn't 'cool.' Teens have to learn how to
silence their ever present internal critic in
order to
experience being fully present in an experience.
It's hard to be in awe if you're worried about
how your hair looks.
Principle 7: Remain Flexibly Firm
Parents have to be willing to shift the rules
and become more flexible so their kids can mature
into their fully-realized selves. By the time
children reach their teen years, parents have
gotten complacent about setting rules and creating
family guidelines. The revisiting of these parameters
provides important perceptions of safety and predictability
so teens can function freely.
Principle 8: Be What You Want to See
Teenage Research Unlimited found that 70% of teenagers
name their mom or dad as the person they most
admire. Parents need to realize that who we are
is much more important than what we say during
these years. Teens, while unwilling to listen
to our words of wisdom, learn volumes from observing
us, even when we think they're not paying the
remotest attention.
Principle 9: Let Go and Trust
Everyone hits rough patches in parenting, and
they can occur almost daily during adolescence.
But it is critical during these most trying of
times to release our own feelings of shame, guilt,
frustration, and pain and remember that we are
in spiritual partnership with our teenagers. By
letting go of the feelings of struggle, we can
strengthen ourselves in the peace of trust. Trust,
while still keeping a watchful.
Principle 10: Each Day Offers a Possibility
of Renewal
Beginning anew usually means making small changes
in the right direction, rather than quantum leaps
toward a perfect relationship. It is truly the
small day-to-day stuff that can shift a tense
relationship with your teen:
one thoughtful compliment a day, replacing irritation
with understanding, or suggesting options rather
than insisting upon specific solutions. Just when
you've been counting the months until they leave
the nest, suddenly a whole new direction takes
root and you can enjoy your precious and rebellious
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