Parenting Tips: the Power of Words

Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM)

Brought to you by Mimi Doe

March, 2007

V9 #3

The Power of WORDS

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WORDS, WORDS, WORDS

- Welcome From Mimi
- Using Words With Care
- Compliments: Words That Empower
- Journaling for Children
- Journaling for Parents
- What's New

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March greetings to you all!

I do believe, and I’ve seen in my own life, that what we say is what we get. Keep talking about how tired you are and you’ll drag through your day. Sing the praises of the situation around you and notice how your spirit lifts. What you praise you receive more of…including your children’s positive behavior. Notice when your kids are doing something right and you’ll have more about them to compliment.

I’m sure if you took a moment you could vividly recall something your mom or dad said to you when you were younger. In fact, for many of us, these words have become our inner script governing our lives. “Who do you think you are?” or “You just can’t do anything right…” or “What a gift you have with numbers.” You get the picture.

Take time this month to bring your attention to your powerful words. Words are your wands, use them thoughtfully and delight in the results.

Blessings and light from my heart to yours,
Mimi

p.s. Rent a copy of The Miracle Worker to watch with your kids and use the ideas in our free movie guide: Reel Appeal to discuss the power of words.

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Words have the power to destroy or heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.
--- Jack Kornfield

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USING WORDS WITH CARE

Words: round musical notes that bolster the spirit. Words: winged thoughts that fly out of the mouth and wedge themselves firmly in the mind of the receiver. Our words can inspire or cut our children to the quick. Words can clobber the spirit, the spontaneity, the joy, the soul. "Stop making that awful noise" puts a lid on a child's musical moment.

Do your words and tone tell your child that he is a burden and a chore, or do they build him up and assure him of his sacredness?

The singing child hears her mother say, "When you sing in the mornings it starts my day so beautifully. Your voice makes me happy." The child's spirit soars and she sings again.

- My dad always tells me that his life got better after I was born, that I am his lucky charm. That makes me feel so special, like he really wanted a girl like me. (Age 6)

Words are a window to the soul. Through your child's words you can glance at her inner world. Pay attention. What is she saying? Is that what she really means? She may need you to help her put her feelings into words.

- I have these feeling sometimes. My mom says, "What are you feeling?" But I'm not sure. I don't know how to say what I am feeling. There are many of those times. (Age 5)

Ideas come to life when they are put into words. Someone else knows what you are thinking, feeling, exploring, understanding when you communicate. Questions can be answered, inventions can begin, games can start, friendships can grow, wisdom can be shared, spirits can be enriched when children express their ideas.

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We are born with the power of the universe on the tip of our tongues.
--- Anonymous

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COMPLIMENTS: WORDS THAT EMPOWER

Pay attention to the power words have on your children. It's always a boost for kids to know what you, almighty parent, are thinking about them. Assess your child's positive qualities, then let him know what you think.

Why shouldn't your 3-year-old know that she is beautiful with apple-red cheeks or your 10-year-old hear that he is a quick learner? Let kids overhear you use positive statements about them. Somehow it is much more powerful to hear, "Let me ask Lynn about decorating the living room; she is so good with color," than "Lynn, what color do you think we should paint the living room?"

The same goes when we pass along words of praise or compliments. Kids need to hear how great they are directly from you, but they also need the message indirectly, from other people, through you. It seems to stick better. When you relay a positive remark that someone else has made, it lodges in a child's mind and adds a glimmer to her heart.

You might even write positive words on index cards and keep them in a Compliment Box. Your child can pull out nourishing words when he needs a boost.

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Remember this: any word you speak with meaning will have power.
--- Ernest Holmes

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JOURNALING for Children

It is empowering for a child to put feelings or ideas into writing. Children of all ages can use their words to express feelings and thoughts in a private and confidential diary. They can practice communication free from judgment, ridicule, or failure. Children can relax with their journals and get their feelings out on paper without having to analyze or edit the work. Writing without the anxiety of external scrutiny can open up the child's innate intuition and creativity. Kids are free to explore their personal values, preference, desires, spiritual connections, and talents in their own journals. Our lives are so busy that most kids don't have time these days for a diary. BUT...I strongly urge you to make the time.

If you child doesn't know how to begin her journal, here are some ideas:

*Write a poem that starts with "Joy is…."
*Write about Quiet. How do you feel when you have quiet in your life? When is it quiet?
*Write what you do when you feel scared.
*Write about your wishes.
*Write about what you value most in life: courage, honesty, independence, respect for the earth, freedom, equality. Then, write your ideas for standing up for these beliefs.
*Write a poem that begins with "God is…."
*Write about your greatest sadness.
*Write about your greatest blessings.

My daughter began writing about a tribe of people she calls The Savapes when she was 7 years old. She wrote as if it were a diary entry from a Savape girl. The format and the content were her own idea. She continues to write about this imaginary tribe of people who heal each other with ordinary stones and rocks, who ask permission of the plants and animals before using them for food or medicine, and who live on the shore of a bountiful ocean. The young Savape girl has become her alter ego, and the ongoing diary entries have become rich, detailed accounts of a time and place full of spiritual meaning.
---Mother of 2

Write a story with your child. Create a quiet time and special place where you can explore your writing cooperatively. Often bathtime is the perfect opportunity to write the stories your young, relaxed child narrates. As children grow older, the roles might switch:

My daughter always wants to work on stories together. I love the idea but I work all day and come home beat. We have found something that works well for us. After dinner I soak in a bubble bath while she reads me what we have written so far. I can focus on the story because I am her captive and I'm finally relaxing after a crazy day. It's great for her to practice her printing, and we really work collaboratively. Inevitably the stories have a moral or a spiritual thread to them, and that comes from her. I just follow her lead. We are always proud of the end result and read it to our family.
---Mother of 3
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JOURNALING for Parents

You are probably familiar with the traditional diary-method of journaling: when you gather your thoughts at the end of the day, and write them down in your journal. But that traditional method doesn't work for everyone. Here are some different ways to approach journaling:

A friend of mine jots down simple statement on her kitchen wall calendar. Because the allotted squares are so small, she is forced to consolidate her thoughts. She saves the calendars, and has quick images of her three children going through ordinary days. "Adam - singing to his brother." "Nicole - sledding, red cheeks." "Christopher dragging his blankie through the snow." She squeezes the essence out of her days, capturing simple moments, and in so doing makes them sacred.

A busy mom of two I know somehow finds the time to write. She says: “Journaling is so important to me that I have many. I have one that has just 4 chapters: 1. Goals, 2. Kindness shown by others, 3. Accomplishments, and 4. Grateful List. This journal really makes a difference. It keeps the focus more on appreciation in my life than on what is wrong. I also have one that has only sayings, and I write a comment if it touches me. I have a monthly feeling journal, too. This is very important in helping me to understand how I am feeling in relation to my baby and to my life.”

This mother invited her family and friends to write to her soon-to-arrive child so she could save the empowring words to give her child some day:

When I was pregnant, I asked my family and special friends to write letters to my unborn child. I couldn't believe the response. People were delighted and honored to share their input and to be a part of the anxiously awaited child's life. These letters are filled with advice, aspiration, feelings about the upcoming birth, and words of wisdom. Some letters included pictures of the author at the time of writing. I sealed the letters and saved them in an ornate box until my daughter turns 16, a time when guidance and family involvement can make a real impact.
---Mother of 1

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~*~WHAT'S NEW~*~

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SOULFUL MOVIES

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Each month you will receive a DVD with 3-5 high quality spiritual film selections to keep. You can watch these films with your children or after they are safely tucked in bed. Spiritual Cinema examines who we are and why we are here, and illuminates the human condition through stories and images that inspire us to reach our best human potential. For more information and to sign up, click on the little pool of water above.

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Mimi Doe, Author of:
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"Busy But Balanced"
"10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
"Drawing Angels Near"
PO Box 157 Concord MA 01742
http://www.SpiritualParenting.com