Nurturing Relationships

Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM)

Brought to you by Mimi Doe

February, 2008

V10 #2

NURTURING RELATIONSHIPS

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This newsletter is my gift to you in the hopes of empowering children and parents everywhere to live more joyful, connected lives.

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SUSTAINING NURTURING RELATIONSHIPS

- Welcome From Mimi

- Provide a Solid Springboard Together: Your Relationship With Your Partner

- Ideas for Sustaining Your Romantic Relationship While Raising Kids

- Parents' Check-In: Conversation Starters With Your Teen

- Parents' Insight-Building Exercise: An Experience of Strength

- What's New

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February greetings to you all!

I write this month’s newsletter on my laptop, sun soaking onto my back as I work at my kitchen table with Comet, our cocker spaniel, curled up at my feet. Our kitchen looks remarkably different now that ours is somewhat of an empty nest. Rather than a big bowl of fruit ready for after school snacks, my papers and projects are lined up alongside two portable phones at the ready for personal and work calls. Yes I have an office, but these days I’d much rather work at this round table so filled with the energy of our family. I do believe that the kitchen table is the heart of the home so take a look at yours and ponder how it is serving you.

Our kitchen table was the centerpiece of various holidays. The girls would be greeted on Valentine’s Day, for instance, with red hearts, a lace tablecloth, red plates, little gifts on their plates, and scrolls of all the qualities I loved about them rolled up with sparkly ribbon. This year, with the girls at school, our white pedestal table won’t look quite as bare as it becomes a makeshift desk and thinking spot for me.

Use this month to nurture and honor all the relationships in your life, no matter how they might have shifted and changed from last year. Open your heart to give and accept love more deeply and practice being kind rather than being right. Begin with kindness to yourself. Work in a spot that nurtures your senses even if it means adding a plant or a photo of someone or something you love, become flexible and develop appreciation for your family situation no matter what it might look like, care for your body and health as well as you care for those you love. When you nourish yourself your relationships will also flourish.

Blessings and light from my heart to yours,

Mimi Doe

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Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

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PROVIDE A SOLID SPRINGBOARD TOGETHER: Your Relationship With Your Partner

Children thrive in the presence of a stable, loving relationship between the adults in the household. We nurture their souls when they feel a happy partnership between two biological parents, a biological parent and a stepparent, two adoptive parents, one adoptive parents and a partner - any of the myriad combination of adults who shelter and rear teens.

As with every other aspect of family life, the relationship between adults serves as a powerful model for kids. They learn what adult love looks like by watching us interact with our partners.

When children and teens know that their parents' emotional needs are being met through adult relationships, they feel more free to fully separate, to move into their own lives unburdened by worries about the parents they're leaving behind.

While these are good reasons to pay attention to your marriage or relationships for your children’s sake, they aren't the most important reasons to do so. You have more to give to your life when your own needs are being met. Also, your children will eventually move out of the house, leaving you and your partner alone together again. The busy-ness of raising a family is compelling, but it can't substitute for a strong and vital relationship between adults.

As a mother of four sons who are now adults puts it, "Once the boys were raised, we had to come up with activities that we could do together; it wasn't easy. Our lives had been so full with four sons that we had to find ways to be together when we weren't focused on them. It was either that or grow apart."

Life with kids is full of activities. Our houses may seem overrun with youthful energy and enthusiasm. Now, more than ever, we have to carve out time for each other and create a structure flexible enough to sustain our adult relationships.

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In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person.

~Wilbert Donald Gough

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IDEAS FOR SUSTAINING YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: While Raising Kids

*Laugh together. Humor is a healing elixir, drawing people close and clearing the air. Share a joke, rent a comedy on DVD, or attend a funny play. The teen years are particularly important ones for cultivating a shared sense of humor with your partner.

*Set up times to articulate your shared goals and dreams. Don't think of these meetings as dates, because it's too easy to erase a date from your calendar in order to create more time. Think of these times as planning sessions.

*Take the long view. During the years we raise children, we're also building careers, homes, and financial security. It's easy to get caught up in the moment-to-moment drama, but lasting relationships are best viewed over the long haul.

*Learn the fine art of tolerance. My husband is a master at this. He rarely criticizes me and, believe me, there is plenty to criticize. If you must draw attention to your spouse's behavior, do so lovingly and without making it a personal issue. "I" statements, rather than "you" accusations, are a good basic strategy.

*Every family experiences challenges: financial pressures, illness, job loss, in-laws living with you, or any one of a number of other stressors. Despite the images portrayed by the media, no family is perfect. Avoid placing blame when you're feeling the pressure. Pull together to move through the pain.

*If you share a hobby or interest, you're blessed. If you don't find one and schedule time to enjoy it together. A friend of my daughter's says she knows there's trouble between her parents when they don't play much golf together.

*Many readers over the years have written to say that they've used the principles in my book 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting with their spouses, turning them into 10 Principles for Spiritual Relationships. You might be inspired to go through the book with an eye for how you could apply each principle to your adult relationship.

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PARENT CHECK-IN: Conversation Starters With Your Teen

Teens are so busy that it's hard to find time to talk. However, working side-by-side in the house or yard can provide a chance to find out more about what your son or daughter thinks. Start a conversation with one or more of the following:

- What do I do that most communicates that I care about you?

- If you had a teen your age, what would you do differently than I'm doing?

- What are you most looking forward to about being an adult? What are you least looking forward to?

- Who among your friends do you think has the shortest leash? Who has too much freedom?

- What privileges do you feel like you're getting ready to take on? What responsibilities will you take on at the same time?

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AN EXPERIENCE OF STRENGTH

Parents' Insight-Building Exercise

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed for a few minutes. Turn off the phone, settle into a comfortable chair, take your shoes off.

Inhale deeply and exhale slowly several times. Notice the chair supporting the weight of your upper body and thighs. Spread your toes and relax them, allowing your feet to be supported by the floor they're resting on.

Imagine yourself as the trunk of a great tree, a majestic oak or redwood. Your body from the waist up is the beginning of an enormous system of limbs and branches that extends far above you, hundreds of feet into the sky. Imagine the sun warming your leaves and the rain gently cleansing them.

Your body from the waist down is the topmost part of a huge root system that extends far into the ground below you. Imagine each root spiraling down into the earth, drawing nourishment and strength from the soil. Breathe deeply into your belly, and feel it fill with the earth's strength.

Pay attention to the grace and power that infuses your limbs. Around you, life moves at a blistering pace, but you stand serene, a compassionate witness.

Now bring your teen to mind. Notice his or her youth - a sapling compared to you. The years have given you strength that he or she doesn't yet posses. You have a wisdom that he or she has yet to understand. Your strength and height give you a majestic perspective.

Notice how your branches sway in the wind, easily adapting to the changes around you. Notice, too, how your appearance changes with the changing seasons as you move gracefully through the years.

Now notice that your teen cannot move you, no matter how hard he or she pushes. You provide shade and shelter for your child in your strength.

Feel this strength infuse you fully, your arms and legs, back and shoulders. Simply rest in this awareness for as along as you'd like.

When you're ready to return to the room around you, take a deep breath and release it.

This experience of strength is available to you whenever you like.

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~*~WHAT'S NEW~*~

THE PERFECT VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT

Many of you have emailed to say that those you gave these uplifting blankets to for the holidays were thrilled. If you didn't do so at Christmas, I suggest the Love blanket as a Valentine's gift. My daughter has one on her dorm room bed in college and is ALWAYS being asked where she found it...as it just makes you feel good to read about love!

Head over to Affirmagy and pick up a few for those you love. And, check out the precious baby blankets.

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CREATE A YEAR OF DREAMS

Make ALL your dreams for 2008 come true with the Dream Manifesto!

For YEARS I have been creating vision boards or treasure maps using poster boards and images of what

I would like to manifest in my life...Literally for about 24 years...

Up until now...

Now, since I'm on my computer so much of the time...I've installed this easy to use software, literally I had it up and running in less than 5 minutes, and my images are scheduled to appear with sound...that I've created...every few hours...reminding me of what I wish to focus upon...

It's crazy cool! In fact, I have had to delete most of the images I first put up as they HAVE COME TRUE. Time for new dreams!

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TREAT YOUR TEENAGERS TO STRESS FREE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS!

If your children are in high school, pick up a copy of my book: Don't Worry You'll Get In: 100 Tips for Stress Free College Admission. I believe that knowledge is power and have created various ways to help make the application and admissions process less stressful.

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CREATE A LIFE LIVED ON PURPOSE IN 2008

Busy but Balanced

Begin 2008 by committing to crafting a more balanced life!

This book takes you through the year, week by week...Full of tips, tools, ideas and inspiration for crafting a family life that is calm, centered, and full of joy!

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Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM) is written and produced by Mimi Doe and Karen Adolphson. If you have any stories to share, questions or comments, please send them to: Editor@SpiritualParenting.com. We'd love to hear from you!

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Mimi Doe, Author of:
"Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul"
"Busy But Balanced"
"10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
"Drawing Angels Near"

http://www.SpiritualParenting.com