Listening Deeply

Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM)

Brought to you by Mimi Doe

September, 2007

V9 #9

The Love that Listens

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This newsletter is my gift to you in the hopes of empowering children and parents everywhere live more joyful, connected lives.

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THE LOVE THAT LISTENS

- Welcome From Mimi

- The Loves That Listens

- Cultivate Your Listening Heart

- Family Meetings

- Ask, Listen, and Listen Deeper

- Parents' Insight-Building Exercise: When You Were Heard as a Child

- Reel Appeal: Can You Hear Me Now?

- Spiritual Parenting Community

- What's New

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Greetings,

I trust you are back into the rhythm of another school year -- the morning launch, dinnertime juggle, and bedtime routines. In the midst of all the logistics of everyday life, weave in predictable times that you can truly listen to your children. Create habits around your routine that allow you to connect deeply with those you love. That’s what this newsletter is all about: LISTENING. I’ve seen, over the years, and studies have shown, that what kids want the most from their parents is to be heard, honored, and loved. Isn’t that what we all want?

Happy fall and blessings and light from my heart to yours,

Mimi Doe

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All things…call on us with small or loud voices. They want us to listen, they want us to understand their intrinsic claims, their justice of being.... But we can give it to them only through the love that listens.

— Paul Tillich

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THE LOVE THAT LISTENS

Our workshops and discussion with adults and children have made it clear that many of us have profound spiritual experiences during our early years. Yet, over and over again people tell us they had no one with whom to share these magic moments. How can we as parents be aware of our children's unique spiritual dimension and create an environment that encourages and supports that often overlooked part of who they are?

How can we enable our kids to stay connected to their visionary experiences so they don't leave them behind in childhood? Indeed, what are these children encountering? The trick is to be aware and accepting - listen - so that our children feel free to bring their inside feelings, visions, and perspectives out. Then we will learn from them what a spiritual experience can be.

A child accepts as natural something adults would miss: "Sometimes I'll just be sitting there and a light will flash by me. It's not the sunlight but more like spirit light." (Age 7)

A child's spiritual connection need not be a profound esoteric phenomenon. It is in the humblest moments of their daily lives that God reveals His face to children's hearts. It is their sharing of these moments that offer us, as parents, a deeper understanding of our children's inner lives. The toddler examining a leaf, reveling in the delights of nature, and joyfully sharing her discovery with us, is a spiritual moment. It could be as mundane as working out sibling rivalry:

"I think that God is having one big experiment. He put two people who are very different in one house to live and He wants to see what happens." (Girl, age 7, talking about her 5-year-old sister and herself)

Children have to know their feelings are important, and they mustn't be ashamed or disciplined when they express an emotion. Children feel as deeply as adults do, but they haven't yet developed a vocabulary to share their emotions. What a relief it must be when their parents comfortably accept their expression of feelings. "I can see you are having a sad time and crying seems to help you."

Listening encourages children to share future thoughts and feelings with us. When people are heard they grow stronger, they expand their ideas, and they feel able to take emotional and verbal risks because they have felt comfortable about their past exchanges with the listener. A child is free to share personal thoughts and experiences only when she is in an accepting environment.

"My son and I take a writing class together. Yesterday he wrote how lucky he was to have a mother who understands his feelings and listens to him. I felt so grateful. I've tried to make listening to him a priority, and it has paid off." (Mother of 1)

Our society emphasizes instructing children instead of listening to them. The instinctive spirituality of children needs to be nurtured, kept alive - not stamped out in favor of some practical reality. If instead of always managing our children's lives and observing them from the outside, we create a relationship based on their intuitive wisdom, and our own, we can develop a much richer kinship. Children are innately blessed with clear perception. By hearing, understanding, and honoring this treasure, we enrich our children's world and the world into which we send them.

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God speaks to us every day only we don't know how to listen.

— Mahatma Gandhi

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CULTIVATE YOUR LISTENING HEART

There is perhaps no greater way to show our regard for our friends, family, and associates than to truly listen to them. The "listening heart," as this attitude is called, leads to a deepening of relationships and a greater sense of self. And this kind of communication isn't limited to human interactions. Listen to an animal, the waves on the beach, or the roar of a city neighborhood, and you will come to a greater appreciation of your place in the universe.

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For listening is the act of entering the skin of the other and wearing it for a time as if it were our own. Listening is the gateway to understanding.

— David Spangler

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FAMILY MEETINGS

Family meetings are a great way for each member of the family to be heard. Set aside a specific time each week or month and use this forum to talk about family issues. Members can discuss what affects the family, such as upcoming vacations, chores, rules, or even what movie to see on Saturday night. In these meetings, everyone needs to be free to talk about his feelings and to know what's said will remain within the family.

"Family meetings help me tell my family what's bothering me or what felt good. It really helps me learn how to talk to my parents other times, not just during family meetings. Before we did family meetings, I wasn't able to talk it out. Now I am able to get my words out about worries or things that are good." (Age 8)

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ASK… LISTEN… AND LISTEN DEEPER

ASK….

Ask your child to make a list of all the things she wants to know more about. You may be very surprised. Follow through on this information and provider her with materials, books, teachers if appropriate, and opportunities to explore her interests. Encouraging your child's natural inquisitiveness about all things nourishes her soul.

"There is so much I want to learn this summer. How to do handstands, how to swim across the pool, all about Atlantis, the Titanic, colonial times, St. Francis' life, how to whistle, and how to blow bubbles with my gum." (Age 6)

LISTEN…

Often a child will talk to a neighbor or friend instead of directly to you. Are there enough of these removed listeners in your child's life? Can you be a receiving adult for a child other than your own?

LISTEN DEEPER…

Perhaps you are open and available to listen to your child but feel there is more that you need to know. Try talking directly to your child's soul, guardian angel, or spirit. Get quiet and mentally ask if there is something you need to be aware of. You can ask for a picture or message that will help you parent in a deeper way. Listen to the thoughts that come.

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PARENTS' INSIGHT-BUILDING EXERCISE

Think of a time when you were heard as a child.

- Who listened?

- How did it feel to be heard?

- What did you say that was acknowledged?

- How does that experience live with you today?

Now think back to a time when you were there to listen to your child.

- What was that like?

- Why were you available to listen? Had you made time? Was your child demanding you stop and listen?

- What did you hear?

- How did your child react when you listened?

Ask for guidance this week on how to best hear your children's needs. Ask for divine insight into ways you can help give your child's feelings a voice.

Now let go and remain open to receiving insight and guidance. Listen to the subtle ways your inner wisdom is revealed.

Trust your ideas and insights; YOU are wise.

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REEL APPEAL: The Spiritual Parent's Movie Companion

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? BEING - AND RAISING - GOOD LISTENERS

"The Sound of Music" is all about learning to hear – and pursue – our souls' deepest yearnings and calls. It is about tuning in to the internal music of children, family, country, and God. And it is about engaging in the act of listening… with our hearts.

Find this movie discussion guide, and others, on our website: www.spiritualparenting.com. Click on "Reel Appeal" on the homepage.

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SPIRITUAL PARENTING COMMUNITY

I have heard from hundreds of parents recently who want, now more than ever, to gather in real time as well as online with other like minded parents who wish to raise kind children who remain connected to their spirits and their families. They want support, advice, and the wisdom of each other to empower their children to unfold into who they were put on this planet to become. They also want to delight in the joy of this parenting journey.

As you know, Spiritual Parenting Groups have been springing up around the world as a result of my books, website, and workshops on parenting. These groups are always free and open to all faiths. I have been posting the contact info for the groups on my website, SpiritualParenting.com, but have wanted to do more to facilitate parents connecting with one another. This wish is now a reality!!

SpiritualParenting.com has joined forces with MomJunction.com (a new social networking site for parents) to host these groups virtually. What that means is that there will now be a Spiritual Parenting Community with lots of bells and whistles for:

*Existing SP Groups
*Parents who want to find or form a group in their town
*Those parents who would like support and spiritual parenting ideas online

If you are already in a Spiritual Parenting Group you can join the Spiritual Parenting Community to keep members updated on meetings, etc. If you want to find a group in your area to join, head over to the SP Community.If you’d like to find support and ideas and be part of a group online, this is also your spot.

So, let me know how you like this wonderful new resource. I'll be popping in and out with posts and my thoughts.
As always, light and love sent from my heart to yours,

p.s. Existing members of MomJunction.com can use the same username and password from that site to access the Spiritual Parenting Community. Simply click here to enter the Spiritual Parenting Welcome Group.

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~*~WHAT'S NEW~*~

Make ALL your dreams come true with the Dream Manifesto!

For YEARS I have been creating vision boards or treasure maps using poster boards and images of what

I would like to manifest in my life...Literally for about 24 years...

Up until now...

Now, since I'm on my computer so much of the time...I've installed this easy to use software, literally I had it up and running in less than 5 minutes, and my images are scheduled to appear with sound...that I've created...every hour...reminding me of what I wish to focus upon...

It's crazy cool!

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If your children are in high school, pick up a copy of my book: Don't Worry You'll Get In: 100 Tips for Stress Free College Admission. I believe that knowledge is power and have created various ways to help make the application and admissions process less stressful.

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Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM) is written and produced by Mimi Doe and Karen Adolphson. If you have any stories to share, questions or comments, please send them to: Editor@SpiritualParenting.com. We'd love to hear from you!

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Mimi Doe, Author of:
"Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul"
"Busy But Balanced"
"10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
"Drawing Angels Near"

http://www.SpiritualParenting.com