Friendship and parenting; yours and your child's

Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM)

Brought to you by Mimi Doe

May, 2007

V9 #5

Seeing the Good in All People

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This newsletter is my gift to you in the hopes of empowering children and parents everywhere live more joyful, connected lives.

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LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN ALL PEOPLE

- Welcome From Mimi

- Friends and Fitting In

- Parent’s Check-In: Your Child and Her Friends

- Look for the Good in All People

- Start a Positive Talk Campaign

- Golden Rules for All

- What's New

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Happy May Day!

When I was growing up we called May 1st "May Day" and ran around from house to house depositing secret bouquets of May Flowers on neighbor's doorsteps.

May flowers fall upon your path in some way today! Be on the lookout.

One of the greatest gifts for us parents is joyful children. And, often, our children are happiest when they feel connected to and appreciated.

by their friends or at least one friend.

I receive lots of questions from parents that revolve around children and friendship issues. I have devoted this newsletter to friends, fitting in and feeling truly connected to one another.

Blessings and light from my heart to yours,

Mimi Doe

p.s. If you are new to the Spiritual Parenting Community and want to know how I define Spiritual Parenting head over to a little video I recently shot for Beliefnet. To you, from me, sitting at my kitchen table!

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FRIENDS AND FITTING IN

Kids long to fit in and be part of a group of friends. They hunger to feel connected and to know that their lives have meaning. Friends frequently supply both.

A shift in friendships is often part of growing up. Friendships begin to be formed based on interests and how kids see themselves. The result of this shift, however, is that some kids are left on the fringe, feeling a deep lack of connectedness.

As children grow into adolescence, the social realm demands more and more of their attention and energy. Friends become the secure passage between family and the world. At least, we hope that's the role of friends in our children's lives.

Cliques seem to be inevitable, and exclusion, power, worthiness, and social rules become the minefields kids must navigate. Our teenagers crave a sense of belonging at the same time that they come face-to-face with the shaky rules of cliques. They lose their social innocence and we, their parents, ache for the hurt they often face.

Many schools have initiated bully-proofing curricula that focus on strategies to diffuse the bully who threatens physical harm. But far more common is the emotional cruelty that permeates the shining halls of our schools.

A strong spiritual connection can help kids weather the storm of fitting in. Friends stamp an indelible mark on children's psyches. Many adults I have worked with still smart from a middle school caste system that ranked them as misfits.

More than anything we would like to deliver a sense of belonging to our kids along with their clean laundry and warm dinner. The truth is, children need to develop their own survival skills - with us always at the ready should they need advice, a sincere hug, and assurance that they are loved and are part of this team called "our family."

When I asked Whitney (when she was 16) what she would say to younger kids about navigating the social jungle, she said: "There are four ways for kids to survive cliques:

1. Make friends outside of school who are involved in something you have an interest in, such as a sport, hobby, or club.

2. Develop a good relationship with your guidance counselor.

3. Come up with some tried and true comebacks to those hurtful comments sure to be slung your way (NOTE: There is a fine line and a clear distinction between maintaining self-esteem and sinking to the level of those who speak hurtfully.)

4. Develop a self-confidence that keeps you from stopping to the levels of others who are less secure."

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PARENT’S CHECK-IN: YOUR CHILD AND HER FRIENDS

Some ideas you might try to help your older child handle the issue of friends include:

- Talk to your child about the cliques in her school. What are they called? Where does she think she fits in? Is she happy with that? Opening up conversation can be just the permission she needs to unload her feelings.

- Continue to reinforce that finding self-acceptance is the ultimate peace. Discuss your child’s standards for accepting himself. Is it always related to how he stacks up in his social chain? Share your own struggles claiming this peace.

- Take a stand on rumors, backstabbing, and belittling. When you hear kids talking about others unkindly, put a stop to it. Watch your own tendencies to gossip, judge or point out the negative in a person or situation.

- Make your home friend-friendly. Be clear with all kids who come into your house about your expectations and rules. There are different values and different rules from family to family. Kids appreciate knowing what your family believes in, what your rules and rituals are, and they usually adhere to them. In our house, for instance, we take our shoes off, we light candles, we pray before meals. Most of my daughter's friends fall right into our rhythm when here. They pause and pray with us, they put on a pot of tea and know right where the "stress buster" tea bags are. Give your children's friends the gift of clearly articulating your family's way of doing things if you want them to feel comfortable.

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"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

- Mother Teresa

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LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN ALL PEOPLE

When we teach our children that everyone has a purpose, we also have to illustrate how to go beneath the surface of a person's façade to see their light.

Look for the positive in others and encourage your children to do the same. Point out the positive aspects of your children's friends instead of criticizing them. Make it a habit to praise the good in others each day. Teach your child to look at others with "spiritual vision." It allows us to look beyond appearances to see all people as expressions of God's love. If we look past preconceived notions we will see that we all belong to the same large family – we are all connected and matter.

Kids can help discrimination of all kinds. Begin by coming up with a family list of "nots." These are things you are committed to "not" doing. Your list could look like this:

1. Not entering into a conversation that makes fun of someone.

2. Not hiding our own uniqueness.

3. Not telling jokes or laughing at jokes about differences.

4. Not picking as friends only those who look or act just as we do.

5. Not allowing someone to sit alone at lunch because she looks or acts different.

6. Not trying to fit in with a group of kids by being just like them.

7. Not holding back when someone is being wronged.

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"I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody."

- Benjamin Franklin

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START A POSITIVE TALK CAMPAIGN

Make a supreme effort to avoid judging, labeling, complaining, and criticizing others - it dims our souls' light and seems to bring more negativity into our experience. All of us can fall into this lazy and contagious mind habit.

I remember a number of years ago getting a giggle at the expense of someone else. As I did so my daughter simply pointed to a car in front of us with a bumper sticker that said, “LABEL JARS NOT PEOPLE.”

A mother of two recently shared this story: "Last night at dinner my husband was telling a story about a conversation he had with a fellow he works with. Our 6-year-old daughter said, ‘It feels like every time Daddy talks about his work he criticizes someone. I don't like it.’ Her face became red and her eyes filled with tears as she spoke her feelings. It was a huge wake-up call for my husband and myself. For years we have sort of talked over the heads of our kids - or so we thought. They get the drift of more than we can imagine, and she was picking up a lot of negative feelings that shouldn't have come out at the dinner table. We will be much more attentive to how we speak about others.”

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Only when we have the courage to cross the road and look in one another's eyes can we see there that we are children of the same God and members of the same human family.

— Henri J. M. Nouwen in Bread for the Journey

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GOLDEN RULES FOR ALL

The term "Golden Rule" sounds so very clichéd that I tend to dismiss things written with those words in the title. Yet the premise of The Golden Rule is at the core of understanding that all life is connected and has a purpose. Expressed in many ways across cultures, it's a universal spiritual teaching. When we discover that most religions articulate the same Divine concepts, it reaffirms how connected we all really are. As one wise 15-year-old told me, "God is bigger than any one religion."

The Golden Rule is also at the core of becoming a more spiritual parent. You might share this list with your kids, or simply post it on the fridge for everyone to consider.

THE GOLDEN RULE

CHRISTIANITY: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.

JUDAISM: What is hurtful to yourself, do not do to your fellow man.

ISLAM: No one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

CONFUCIANISM: Do not unto others what you would not they should do unto you.

BUDDHISM: In five ways should a clansman minister to his friends and familiars: by generosity, courtesy, and benevolence, by treating them as he treats himself, and by being as good as his word.

HINDUISM: Do not do to others, which if done to thee, would cause thee pain.

SIKHISM: As thou deemst thyself, so deem others. Then shalt thou become a partner in heaven.

JAINISM: In happiness and suffering, in joy and grief, we should regard all creatures as we regard our own self.

ZOROASTRIANISM: That nature only is good when it shall not do unto another whatever is not good for its own self.

TAOISM: Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and regard your neighbor's loss as your own loss.

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"There are so many gifts still unopened from your birthday, there are so many hand-crafted presents that have been sent to you by God."

--Hafiz, The Gift

~*~WHAT'S NEW~*~

Some of our favorite resources for nurturing YOUR own spirits include:

Make ALL your dreams come true with the Dream Manifesto!

For YEARS I have been creating vision boards or treasure maps using poster boards and images of what

I would like to manifest in my life...Literally for about 24 years...

Up until now...

Now, since I'm on my computer so much of the time...I've installed this easy to use software, literally I had it up and running in less than 5 minutes, and my images are scheduled to appear with sound...that I've created...every hour...reminding me of what I wish to focus upon...

It's crazy cool!

Visit our New Soulful Baby Boutique

Safe, natural, beautiful products for your baby!

Dimple Dolls

These soft, natural, safe little babies are cozy in their blankets and baskets. I love these for all kids from babies to teens. No kidding, tuck one in the pocket of even the most sophisticated 16 year old girl and watch her melt.

Send Your Nurturing Products for Review to:

SpiritualParenting.com
c/o Mimi Doe
109 Baker Ave.
Concord, MA 01742

We are happy to send your product to our SpiritualParenting team and designated mom experts for their review.

SOULFUL MOVIES

If you're as tired of the commercial movies available as I am you'll be thrilled to hear of a new alternative: Spiritual Cinema Circle.

Chicken Soup for the Soul author Jack Canfield says:"It's not often you can combine entertainment with personal growth but that is exactly what The Spiritual Cinema Circle offers. These engaging films provide important messages about life, love and the world we live in"

Each month you will receive a DVD with 3-5 high quality spiritual film selections to keep. You can watch these films with your children or after they are safely tucked in bed. Spiritual Cinema examines who we are and why we are here, and illuminates the human condition through stories and images that inspire us to reach our best human potential. For more information and to sign up, click on the little pool of water above.

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Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM) is written and produced by Mimi Doe and Karen Adolphson. If you have any stories to share, questions or comments, please send them to: Editor@SpiritualParenting.com. We'd love to hear from you!

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Mimi Doe, Author of:
"Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul"
"Busy But Balanced"
"10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
"Drawing Angels Near"

http://www.SpiritualParenting.com