Family Unity

Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM)

Brought to you by Mimi Doe

August, 2008

V10 #8

WORDS CAN PROFOUNDLY CHANGE LIVES

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This newsletter is my gift to you in the hopes of empowering children and parents everywhere to live more joyful, connected lives.

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WORDS CAN PROFOUNDLY CHANGE LIVES

- Welcome From Mimi

- Even in Jest, Words Can Hurt

- Small Talk Can Have Large Consequences

- What's New

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August greetings!

Have you had much fun this summer? In the name of creating “fun” for your kids have you forgotten your own need for joy, delight, and summertime pleasure?

I realized this morning that the summer is zipping by and I haven’t laughed quite enough, or taken a day off just to play. I remedied things immediately. Nope, I didn’t ditch the pile of work on my desk and head to the beach -- I did head over to tut.com and downloaded a copy of Infinite Possibilities. I then put on my sneakers and headed out into this glorious day for a nice long walk, listening to inspirational Mike Dooley on my ipod. I am renewed. I feel as if I’ve just had a mini-vacation of the soul.

Do give yourself the gift of Tut. Both his free daily emailed insights, customized just for you, and his audios are a way to lift your spirits.

This month's newsletter is all about the power of words. Pay attention to how words lift you to joy or dim your light. Choose to listen to words that are positive…even if it means popping in your earphones and taking a nice long walk!

Laugh a little more this month!

Blessings and light from my heart to yours,

Mimi Doe

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EVEN IN JEST, WORDS CAN HURT

Hurtful words at home are common because home is a safe place where kids can verbalize their frustration. Words have power, as we know, so flinging them around in anger can land a nasty sting. If this is happening with your child, let him know that he has a right to express his opinions, and that you want to understand how he is feeling, but his choice of words isn't working. Ask him to try again to tell you respectfully what is troubling him so that you might understand.

Of course, children and teens are much more likely to express themselves respectfully when that's what they learn at home. We need to examine our own speech. Are we rude to one another? Do we speak to our kids in a tone and manner we would never use on someone outside the family? How readily do we apologize when we've done injury? Are we overly critical, finding fault with things we'd overlook in anyone else?

Criticism from a parent, however judicious and well-intentioned, can be crushing. A good formula for correction is to first offer a compliment; mention what it is your son or daughter could work on, and then end with another compliment. For instance, the following might be a way to help your new driver to become even more conscientious: "Fantastic job remembering to hand the keys on the key hook. I was so happy this morning that I didn't have to spend five minutes hunting for car keys. Please remember to fill up the gas when the gauge reads empty. By the way, I was amazed that you took the time to back the car into the garage. I never think to do that and it makes exiting a whole lot easier. You're really coming along in the driving department!"

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SMALL TALK CAN HAVE LARGE CONSEQUENCES

At certain ages between 12 and 20, kids are tempted to cop an attitude. If we tolerate a certain way of talking form our teens that we find unacceptable, our own spirits suffer. We need to help out kids reframe their self-involvement by refusing to respond when attitude presents itself, even through their tone of voice. For instance, your son may need a ride to the game, but he isn't going to get on from you if the request comes "in that tone." (Often, the presence of friends escalates this tendency. Take your teen aside for a private conversation, rather than embarrass him in front of friends, or put it off until later.)

We all need to be reminded of the power of negative speech. Small talk can have large consequences. The following tips are to help you and your kids refrain fro gossip and hurtful words.

- Establish a family Gossip Jar. When anyone is caught gossiping by another family member, they add a quarter (or a dime or a dollar) to the jar, and a tally mark under their name. At the end of the month (or a week or two), the person with the least number of tally marks get the contents of the jar.

- One mother of two teens used the Gossip Jar strategy with a different focus - the Complaints Jar - to eliminate widespread complaining. She noted that an unanticipated and fun part of the process came from family members tying to trick each other into forfeiting some cash. "'Man, your back must be sore,' my son would say to me. I'd respond, 'Nope, nothing I can’t handle!' in a perky tone even when I did feel certain twinges.”

- Swearing does no good. It brings our energy down, illustrates our limited vocabulary, and often disrespects sacred figures, Jesus Christ for instance. We don't wash our children's mouths out with soap anymore. In fact, many parents accept lazy language as "just the way teens are." After all, we hear these words on television and in movies, or include them in our own conversation. Make an effort to eliminate swearing from your own vocabulary and point out when your teen casually curses. Remind her that by not swearing she will appear smarter.

- Help your child understand that a friendship built on gossip has no future. Mark Twain once said, "It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you." Encourage your kids to surround themselves with friends they can trust rather than basing someone's value on their ranking in the social strata.

- Choosing silence rather than speaking negative words is always a good choice. In our Western culture, we are uncomfortable when there is a lull in the conversation, so we feel we need to fill it up with words. Often, the words we grab onto aren't the highest possible choices. There's a wonderful old saying: "Talking comes by nature; silence by wisdom." A friend of mine who grew up in India once remarked, "When I attend a party with others from India there will be long moments of silence. Our words are carefully chosen rather than banal small talk."

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Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others.
— Chogyam Trungpa

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~*~WHAT'S NEW~*~

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO THESE DAYS

Lately I've been listening to Steve Halperns OM Zone on my laptop as I work. It transports me to ease and calm. Check out this instrumental CD and I promise you will find a new serenity.

MIMI BLOGS

Click HERE to visit my Blog. You can bookmark it on Google to receive updates of new posts. Do leave comments and suggestions so we can have a virtual conversation.

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CREATE A YEAR OF DREAMS

Make ALL your dreams come true with the Dream Manifesto!

For YEARS I have been creating vision boards or treasure maps using poster boards and images of what

I would like to manifest in my life...Literally for about 24 years...

Up until now...

Now, since I'm on my computer so much of the time...I've installed this easy to use software, literally I had it up and running in less than 5 minutes, and my images are scheduled to appear with sound...that I've created...every few hours...reminding me of what I wish to focus upon...

It's crazy cool! In fact, I have had to delete most of the images I first put up as they HAVE COME TRUE. Time for new dreams!

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TREAT YOUR TEENAGERS TO STRESS FREE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS!

If your children are in high school, pick up a copy of my book: Don't Worry You'll Get In: 100 Tips for Stress Free College Admission. I believe that knowledge is power and have created various ways to help make the application and admissions process less stressful.

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CREATE A LIFE LIVED ON PURPOSE THIS SUMMER

Busy but Balanced

Begin this summer to craft a more balanced life!

This book takes you through the year, week by week...Full of tips, tools, ideas and inspiration for crafting a family life that is calm, centered, and full of joy!

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Spiritual Parenting Thought for the Month (SM) is written and produced by Mimi Doe and Karen Adolphson. If you have any stories to share, questions or comments, please send them to: Editor@SpiritualParenting.com. We'd love to hear from you!

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Mimi Doe, Author of:
"Nurturing Your Teenager's Soul"
"Busy But Balanced"
"10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting"
"Drawing Angels Near"

http://www.SpiritualParenting.com